I Can't...And That's OK

I am at home.  I am at home as an instructional coach.  I am at home as an educator.  I am at home as an educator that loves supporting teachers.  I am at home as an educator that found a passion in the world of educational technology.

I am at home.  I am at home as a mom.  I am at home as a mom of a 20 month old.  I am at home as a working mom of a toddler.

I am at home as a working mom of a toddler.  The end.  That is my day.

I am up early to make a cup of coffee and answer some emails or create a tutorial video, but it's no use.  The moment my son senses someone is up, the calls to Mama and Dadee begin.  The calls to Dash (the dog), Nana (my husband's mom), and Papaw (my husband's dad) begin.  After a few minutes, he takes a book and begins to flip through the pages.  After a few more minutes the cries come.  He's done waiting.  He KNOWS.  He knows someone is up and someone had better come get him.

After that, the "book", "walk", and "more" (I'm hungry) begin.  On repeat.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade this time for anything.  Not for a million bajillion fratrillion dollars.  Yup made that up.  But you get the idea.  However, I also recognize that at his age, he needs almost constant engagement.  I do not really want to have the TV on all day, and even if I did, it doesn't hold his attention.  Books do a good deal of occupying his time while I'm in meetings.  So do exploring the "new" toys I set out for him or the activities I prepare (as best as I can).  However, when my meetings run for 40+ minutes there are bound to be times when I have to mute the mic to redirect him.

Again, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  What would I trade?  Just about anything else.  What have I traded?  Just about everything else.  Right now, I feel as if I have almost completely sworn off of social media.  I barely talk to my friends.  I talk to my parents and my husband's parents.  And when I say talk, I mean I send them pictures of their grandchild once or twice a day send a text or two back and forth and then get distracted by work or my son.  I have one friend who will message me at any given time 8-9 EST or 10-11 EST.  I usually respond in the morning when I am awake before the rest of my household and it's 3-4am PST.  This is my world.

This is my world right now.  I can't be on Twitter.  I can't do Twitter chats.  I can't update on Instagram and Facebook.  I can't be a presence and support.  I can't...and that's OK.  Because I am doing chats with my son as he practices saying new words.  It's OK because I am updating my family on how we are doing and getting updates on how they are doing.  It's OK because I am a presence for my teachers and my family.  I am here to support them.

So if you are trying to #jugglethestruggleEDU hardcore right now, it's ok.  Pick a priority or two...and then for everything else, you can't...and that's OK.

A Quiet Moment

I am taking some time tonight to write a blog post.

I have the lights off, Inside Out is on Disney+, my husband is still at work and my son is asleep. 

Every day I have time to myself but I'm always doing or thinking or going.  Much like any other adult or parent or person.  That is usually in the morning on my drive to work.  Once I get to work, though, there's no stopping and that goes on pretty much until I pass out that night.  Again, much like any other adult or parent or person. 

Here's the important thing to remember, no person, at least no person that I know, can keep that level of constant "on the go" be it physical or mental.  It's so important to take some time for yourself.  Call it work life balance, call it self care, call it whatever you want.  Take some time for yourself.  Whatever that might look like; time to invest in yourself through reading, watching a movie, writing a blog, taking a class...taking a quiet moment. 

What To Sacrifice?

I picked my #oneword2020 as a way to challenge my status quo. I do not have a platform.  I do not have one educational passion that I am known for. At times, I feel quite directionless. I don’t even know what I want for my future goals. Scratch that, I know, but none of my options are exclusive. I want it all. And I can’t have it all. This has been a “problem” for me for as long as I can remember. I. Want. It. All. I want all the shoes. I want all the hair styles. I want all the social media platforms. I want all the ways my career could flourish. I want all the family. I want all the dedication. The thing is, I can’t have it all.  

I never understood the expression “Have your cake and eat it too.”  Well of course if you have cake, you’re going to eat it. That makes no sense. However, as I grow older, though not necessarily wiser, I realize that it’s not about the eating of the cake. It’s about having it when you’re done. If I choose one path, I can’t have the other one. If I choose to eat the cake now, I won’t have it when I’m really craving it. 

So, with all that said, how do I know what to do?  Do I find a focus and put all my energy into that?  Do I go into a educational field that isn’t exactly in K12 schools?  Do I try and create my own path?  Do I keep trying for that leadership position?  Do I try and teach from home?  

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not complaining. I am beyond grateful to have all of these visions for my future (and more)!  I guess I’m looking for direction.  I’m looking for advice. How did you choose?  Why did you choose?  Is what you sacrificed for what you chose worth it?  

I’m scared I will chose the wrong sacrifice.