Then, of course, if you add anything other than your job onto your plate and you begin to feel, well to put it delicately, you feel slightly overwhelmed.
To put it not so delicately, I feel like I'm going to freak out on someone (usually my husband) in a mass emotional, hysterical, meltdown. **please tell me I'm not the only one**
I'm just going to put it all into perspective...I changed jobs (my idea) from technology specialist teacher to 4th grade teacher. I LOVE what I'm doing now, but it's different and we're all getting used to it. I am working on a degree while teaching full time. I am trying to be a good wife, where I make lunches and boil noodles for dinner or whatever (I am NOT at home in the kitchen), listen to my husband share about his day, not freak out about all the video game playing that happens (cause you know he doesn't freak out about all the online shopping that happens 😯 💸 📚). I am trying to be a good daughter and spend time with my parents. I am trying to be a good friend and not be a complete hermit. I am trying to be a good --- nope, I got a cleaning lady. I can't do it ALL for pity's sake!! I am not Super Woman or anything close!!!
And no, I can't laso either...not even sure I can spell that...and for accuracy sake, I'm not using spellcheck!
So at this point, it just sounds like a whole lot of venting and it seems like maybe I should be thankful...but I'm not? Wait for it....
This week, my school had the whole week off for Thanksgiving. THAT I am certainly grateful for! However, it's not the only thing and definitely not the point of the post. What it did give me was some time to relax and breath. It allowed me time to stop my frantic mental checklist and just BE. There were definitely times that I met with friends and ran errands instead of staying at home in my PJs, but those were pleasant excursions. I enjoyed them. It was part of what I needed to do for ME.
In the midst of all my relaxing, and unfocusing on work and school, I slowly because to count the things on my list of stress. And inevitably, I was able to count them as blessings.
1. Moving to 4th grade, while taking time, was a huge blessing from the moment I set foot in that classroom. I've been happier in the last 2 weeks of school than I have been all year. Having the sweet faces surround me and being able to laugh with them and get to know their personalities on such a deeper level than as a specialist just fills my heart with joy.
This was the right move for me guaranteed. Especially when I hear about friends who have also made various moves and are still unsure. The knowledge alone, that I am in the right place, is something I am very THANKFUL for.
2. Masters classes are challenging. There isn't a person on the planet (well that could be a slight exaggeration) that wouldn't say working full time and getting a degree is easy. However, my husband and I made the decision that I would start when I did because we didn't have a family. My job allowed me enough flexibility and access to the audience I would need in order to complete my program. Plus, I had someone, a couple of someones in fact, who I felt could be a valuable mentor to me should I need support throughout this program. However, it's fast-paced because of how quick the program is and it's 100% online. These are both added challenges that make it so much harder.
But I LOVE the content! I don't love every single class, but I have found value in every single class. Some of the classes are just a little more interesting than others or I prefer the style of the professor more than others or I don't want to write another paper. **just saying**
But in truth, how often can you say, I love going to school...it's SO interesting. And in order to not lose our minds, a small group of us have bonded together on a Google Hangout to bounce ideas off of each other. We're all in different places and we've never met in person, but I am I don't know what I would do without them! So for all these things...ability to get through assignments, quality content and instructors, and an amazing group to lean on I am very THANKFUL for.
3. Of course, I am thankful for my family and friends. I have wonderful parents who help me out whenever I need it. My husband is a saint in how he handles all my ups and downs and my constant focus on either work or school. I even have extended family on the other side of the country that are always letting me know how much I am loved. My friends are the kind of friends you have for a lifetime. They know me to my core and force me, with a supportive hand, out of my comfort zone and they listen when I'm frustrated and we go on adventures and we laugh, just like we did when we were kids. For every single one of them, I am THANKFUL.
4. I may not be a homemaker and a cook but I have the basic skills to get by. Or between my husband and myself, we are lucky enough to be able to afford someone to come in and help. For THAT, I am THANKFUL.
5. My professional aspirations are currently all over the board. It has always come down to wanting to inspire teachers. However that comes about, I think I will be fine. However, right now, I feel...I feel...unsatisfied. I think it's because I do not feel like with everything I have going on, my aspirations are just OUTSIDE my grasp. Life is just too busy. There are just too many questions. However, my heart has direction...I know where I need to be. I also know that I have support from colleagues near and far. We lean on each other, we support each other, and it will all come together. So I am thankful for being unsatisfied. That feeling pushes me further...motivates me to work and connect and learn. I don't know when I will get "there", but I am confident that I will. For that dedication and ambition and my support team, my various PLNs, I am THANKFUL.
I'm also thankful for pizza, pumpkin pie, cheesecake, Taco Tuesday, and anything Disney. See I told you this was gonna be a thankful post!