I Can't...And That's OK

I am at home.  I am at home as an instructional coach.  I am at home as an educator.  I am at home as an educator that loves supporting teachers.  I am at home as an educator that found a passion in the world of educational technology.

I am at home.  I am at home as a mom.  I am at home as a mom of a 20 month old.  I am at home as a working mom of a toddler.

I am at home as a working mom of a toddler.  The end.  That is my day.

I am up early to make a cup of coffee and answer some emails or create a tutorial video, but it's no use.  The moment my son senses someone is up, the calls to Mama and Dadee begin.  The calls to Dash (the dog), Nana (my husband's mom), and Papaw (my husband's dad) begin.  After a few minutes, he takes a book and begins to flip through the pages.  After a few more minutes the cries come.  He's done waiting.  He KNOWS.  He knows someone is up and someone had better come get him.

After that, the "book", "walk", and "more" (I'm hungry) begin.  On repeat.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade this time for anything.  Not for a million bajillion fratrillion dollars.  Yup made that up.  But you get the idea.  However, I also recognize that at his age, he needs almost constant engagement.  I do not really want to have the TV on all day, and even if I did, it doesn't hold his attention.  Books do a good deal of occupying his time while I'm in meetings.  So do exploring the "new" toys I set out for him or the activities I prepare (as best as I can).  However, when my meetings run for 40+ minutes there are bound to be times when I have to mute the mic to redirect him.

Again, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  What would I trade?  Just about anything else.  What have I traded?  Just about everything else.  Right now, I feel as if I have almost completely sworn off of social media.  I barely talk to my friends.  I talk to my parents and my husband's parents.  And when I say talk, I mean I send them pictures of their grandchild once or twice a day send a text or two back and forth and then get distracted by work or my son.  I have one friend who will message me at any given time 8-9 EST or 10-11 EST.  I usually respond in the morning when I am awake before the rest of my household and it's 3-4am PST.  This is my world.

This is my world right now.  I can't be on Twitter.  I can't do Twitter chats.  I can't update on Instagram and Facebook.  I can't be a presence and support.  I can't...and that's OK.  Because I am doing chats with my son as he practices saying new words.  It's OK because I am updating my family on how we are doing and getting updates on how they are doing.  It's OK because I am a presence for my teachers and my family.  I am here to support them.

So if you are trying to #jugglethestruggleEDU hardcore right now, it's ok.  Pick a priority or two...and then for everything else, you can't...and that's OK.

A Quiet Moment

I am taking some time tonight to write a blog post.

I have the lights off, Inside Out is on Disney+, my husband is still at work and my son is asleep. 

Every day I have time to myself but I'm always doing or thinking or going.  Much like any other adult or parent or person.  That is usually in the morning on my drive to work.  Once I get to work, though, there's no stopping and that goes on pretty much until I pass out that night.  Again, much like any other adult or parent or person. 

Here's the important thing to remember, no person, at least no person that I know, can keep that level of constant "on the go" be it physical or mental.  It's so important to take some time for yourself.  Call it work life balance, call it self care, call it whatever you want.  Take some time for yourself.  Whatever that might look like; time to invest in yourself through reading, watching a movie, writing a blog, taking a class...taking a quiet moment. 

What To Sacrifice?

I picked my #oneword2020 as a way to challenge my status quo. I do not have a platform.  I do not have one educational passion that I am known for. At times, I feel quite directionless. I don’t even know what I want for my future goals. Scratch that, I know, but none of my options are exclusive. I want it all. And I can’t have it all. This has been a “problem” for me for as long as I can remember. I. Want. It. All. I want all the shoes. I want all the hair styles. I want all the social media platforms. I want all the ways my career could flourish. I want all the family. I want all the dedication. The thing is, I can’t have it all.  

I never understood the expression “Have your cake and eat it too.”  Well of course if you have cake, you’re going to eat it. That makes no sense. However, as I grow older, though not necessarily wiser, I realize that it’s not about the eating of the cake. It’s about having it when you’re done. If I choose one path, I can’t have the other one. If I choose to eat the cake now, I won’t have it when I’m really craving it. 

So, with all that said, how do I know what to do?  Do I find a focus and put all my energy into that?  Do I go into a educational field that isn’t exactly in K12 schools?  Do I try and create my own path?  Do I keep trying for that leadership position?  Do I try and teach from home?  

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not complaining. I am beyond grateful to have all of these visions for my future (and more)!  I guess I’m looking for direction.  I’m looking for advice. How did you choose?  Why did you choose?  Is what you sacrificed for what you chose worth it?  

I’m scared I will chose the wrong sacrifice. 

Goodnight

It’s been a long day and I’m not able to blog. That’s a lie. I am able to blog. But I choose to sleep. 

There are days we should choose sleep. 

Say Thank You

I decided today that I need to teach my son to sign thank you.  He said thank you for the first time on Christmas and then he said it again today at the pediatrician's office.  After the excited reaction from mom, he also said it a few more times just for fun.

When we were done at the pediatrician, we went back to the front and I told Matthew, it's so important to say thank you when someone does you a favor or goes out of their way for you.  Even if you have to go out of your way to say thank you.  Now, going back into the office after I'd gone through the exit door isn't exactly going out of my way.  However, with a toddler, that walk becomes a little longer.  So we went back in and I thanked the lady behind the desk for getting us in early so we didn't have to wait.  After that, we left.

No big.  But it made me think about how often do we say thank you for even the smallest things that probably typically get forgotten?  When was the last time you went out of your way to say thank you?

I'm not going out of my way, but I would like to say thank you to you for reading this.  Thank you for taking your time away from anything else to read this.

Nothing to Say

Do you ever feel that way?  Maybe not that you have nothing to say, but your afraid that nobody wants to hear it.

That's how I'm feeling right now.  Well, it's how I'm feeling often.

I was out and about with my son today, getting some things handled before we have to head back to school.  And while we're running these errands, my mind races with all these ideas.  Things I want to say, things I want to do but can't, things I want to do and can, ideas to blog about, ideas to podcast about, ideas for a book, ideas, questions, strategies, etc.  And every time I think of something, my default response is, I can't do that.  Nobody wants to hear what I have to say.  There are so many people that already do that.  There are so many people that already do that WAY better than me!

I'm a little fish in a big pond.  With no real focus.

But, I just can't let that stop me.

My strategy in the classroom was everyday, if I can't make a difference in just one kids life, then I've done something good.  If I make a difference for more, then I've done something great.  I have to take that strategy outside the classroom too.

Here's the difference, you don't always know if what you've said, in whatever platform you said it, made a difference to anyone.  So I just have to have that faith that it is.

So it's not about having nothing to say...it's about saying something that someone wants or needs to hear.

WHY

Well, it is January 1, 2020. 

My family and I are settled in Florida, as well as we can be.  I've got my job at my new school.  I am working on my book, Balancing the EDU Life, with a multitude of talented educators with stories that move and inspire me with each word I read, staying active on Voxer with a few different PLNs, and I still have the Undrcaff3inated Podcast that I work on with Joelle and Ashley.  Combine that with all the other "stuff" of life, and I'm feeling...full of life. 

Of course, in my PLNs this year, #oneword2020 was a hot topic.  My word is WHY.  Also of course, that is not the only hot topic.  My friend Melissa wanted to start #edublogyear in one of our Voxer group.  I knew that I would not be able to blog 365 days.  I am already juggling too many things to be able to do all of them as well as I would like to, if for no other reason than they aren't my number 1 priority...my son and my husband and my parents and my in laws are my number 1 priority.

As I sat down tonight to scroll through Twitter as my husband watched TV and my son slept peacefully, I opened up my friend Holly's blog.  She is participating in the #edublogyear initiative.  I read her post and I was inspired!  I thought her post was insightful and interesting.  I know that it took time and effort, but as I read it, it didn't seem like it was a difficult task for her to write.  I began to think. 

Then I thought about my #oneword2020...WHY.  WHY do I have to blog every. single. day?  WHY can't I do what I can do?  Nobody is judging me, except perhaps myself.  So WHY not?

I may not see you every day, but I'll do the best to see you some days.  Cheers Melissa, Holly, and anyone else participating in #edublogyear!